I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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