One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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