Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize