i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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