GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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