I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize