Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
