She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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