I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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