My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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