I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
