i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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