Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
