Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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