Duck Duck Cougar?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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