all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
