dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
