I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
