Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
