I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
