My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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