His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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