So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
