I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
