last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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