You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
