bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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