I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
