But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
