I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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