I CAN MOONWALK!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
