Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
