So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
