Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i will never coherently bang her
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
