I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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