in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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