All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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