sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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