fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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