I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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