she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
