Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
