I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
