Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
