Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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