yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize