dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
