What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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