I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
