so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
