We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
