Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
