I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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