her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
