My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
