I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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