That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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