Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
