You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
