if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm really busy with my period
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