I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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