I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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