if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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