Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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