I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
