we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
