You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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