Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
