My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
