i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
