rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The air was thick with penises
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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