You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
where are my eyebrows?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
