So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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