Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
3 2 1 whiskey
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
