yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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